Shenanigans

Things I have said tonight to my dogs, while *trying* to get them into bed:


"Okay you guys, let's go to bed."


"Come on. Gotta go out and do a pee pee."


"Come on. Let's go."


"I mean it you guys. Let's GO."


"Get OFF the couch."


"Get OFF.


"OMFGGETOFFTHEGODDAMNCOUCHRIGHTNOW!!!"


"Thank you."


"Okay, guys. Go do a pee pee."


"Hurry up, it's COLD."


"OMG, you guys LEAVE IT! GO PEE!"


"YOU CANNOT EAT A ROCK!!"


"NO! NO ROCKS! DROP IT!"


"OMFGWILLYOUTWOCLOWNSJUSTPEEALREADY?!"


"THANK you!"


"Okay, let's go inside. Geez, it's cold."


"Come on guys."


"SNUGGLES AND BISCUIT, LET'S GO."


"WHAT are you CHEWING?"


"A... OMG, what IS that?"


"Oh, please don't be anything dead, please don't be anything dead, please...."


"ACK, what am I SAYING? Please don't be anything ALIVE, EITHER!"


"Give it to me."


"GIVE IT TO- Would you just LET go?"


"OMFGJUSTGIVEME- what is this?"


"I- UGH. WHAT even IS THIS?!"


"ICK. C'mon, inside so mama can boil her hands."


"Coronavirus isn't going to get me, but ZOMBIE VIRUS probably will. That was NASTY."


"We do NOT eat random trash we find on the gr- *sigh* WHAT are you chewing?"


(later on....)


"Okay, guys. Up in bed. Let's go."


"Come on. Over here."


"No. Over HERE."


"HERE. HERE. Over HERE. Where I am. Come ON."


"STOP walking in circles and come HERE."


"JESUS CHRIST, WHAT ARE YOU CHEWING?"


"OMG, HOW did you get Dad's WALLET?!"


"GIVE me THAT."


"What is WRONG with you two?"


"We do NOT chew Dad's WALLET!"


"9000 approved DOG-SPECIFIC chew toys and you guys are eating 1000-year-old yard-garbage and MONEY?"


"Okay, in bed. Get in your spots."


"NO, Biscuit. Get in YOUR spot."


"SNUGS. You do not have to sniff every inch of the bed, just get in your spot!"


"No, that's MY spot."


"Move."


"Move."


"MOVE!"


"OMFGGETYOURBUTTOFFMYPILLOW!"


"You guys sleep in the same spots EVERY single night, how are you so confused?!"


"THANK YOU."


"Okay, let's go to sl- WHO is LICKING."


"STOP licking. There will be NO licking."


"Seriously, you guys THAT IS GROSS. STOP IT."


"OKAY! Enough flopping around! Get comfy!"


"OMG, STOP KICKING MY BOOB."


"WHAT are you CHEWING?!"


I told them both they'd fit in my roaster, and that it was a quarantine and they both needed to straighten up and fly right before they get made into knucklehead pot pie.


SOMEONE is STILL chewing. 😳

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